Superficial Symbolism vs. Connection
By the sidewalk we sat together side by side, smoking Marlboro Ice. Not in the bar, not in a cafe and not at the Starbucks that were just not too far beside us where we sat. In front of us were supposed to be a water splashing fountain that had been switched off at that hour. Not many pedestrian but just cars drove passed us rushing to go somewhere. Lights are switching off one by one.
I went to x-ray again the other day, she said, while looking at the dried fountain, then she continued, The image shows it's getting bigger.
It's that why there is a cut mark on your wrist? I ventured. It could be benign i said.
There is constant pain in me. She replied, her palm pressed against her lower stomach. A cut could be a distraction.
Can i take a closer look at the mark on your wrist? i asked.
What does it matter? She dismissed my request. Away, her hand holding the cigarette. Out of sight.
No. I'm just thinking. Everyone has the tendency to end their own life. Some people are very far away. There are many steps away from that tendency. But some people are very close and probably one or two steps away.
How could i be far away with my condition? It might end one way or the other.
I have no answer to her question and struggling. Maybe just do whatever you want for as long as possible, i thought. But i never put that into word that night.
I never know her real name. "Why does it matter? and i'm sure you knew why it doesn't", that was how she answered the only time i asked for her name and then i knew she would always answer like that. So i never asked that second time. She could be overestimating my understanding of her. I thought about the thought process of this person for sometimes. There after i started to understand that something like name is just superficially symbolism of a person or things. It doesn't even symbolize uniquely to a person sometimes. If you know the person and that person knows you that is enough. Naming is for identification and calling but does not represent level of connection. Naming, labeling and branding is not invented until language was invented, however connection has been since the beginning.
I went to x-ray again the other day, she said, while looking at the dried fountain, then she continued, The image shows it's getting bigger.
It's that why there is a cut mark on your wrist? I ventured. It could be benign i said.
There is constant pain in me. She replied, her palm pressed against her lower stomach. A cut could be a distraction.
Can i take a closer look at the mark on your wrist? i asked.
What does it matter? She dismissed my request. Away, her hand holding the cigarette. Out of sight.
No. I'm just thinking. Everyone has the tendency to end their own life. Some people are very far away. There are many steps away from that tendency. But some people are very close and probably one or two steps away.
How could i be far away with my condition? It might end one way or the other.
I have no answer to her question and struggling. Maybe just do whatever you want for as long as possible, i thought. But i never put that into word that night.
I never know her real name. "Why does it matter? and i'm sure you knew why it doesn't", that was how she answered the only time i asked for her name and then i knew she would always answer like that. So i never asked that second time. She could be overestimating my understanding of her. I thought about the thought process of this person for sometimes. There after i started to understand that something like name is just superficially symbolism of a person or things. It doesn't even symbolize uniquely to a person sometimes. If you know the person and that person knows you that is enough. Naming is for identification and calling but does not represent level of connection. Naming, labeling and branding is not invented until language was invented, however connection has been since the beginning.
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